General Legal Wellness - Family, Wills, DV
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The standard Lorem Ipsum passage, used since the 1500s
"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."
Section 1.10.32 of "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum", written by Cicero in 45 BC
"Sed ut perspiciatis unde omnis iste natus error sit voluptatem accusantium doloremque laudantium, totam rem aperiam, eaque ipsa quae ab illo inventore veritatis et quasi architecto beatae vitae dicta sunt explicabo. Nemo enim ipsam voluptatem quia voluptas sit aspernatur aut odit aut fugit, sed quia consequuntur magni dolores eos qui ratione voluptatem sequi nesciunt. Neque porro quisquam est, qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit, sed quia non numquam eius modi tempora incidunt ut labore et dolore magnam aliquam quaerat voluptatem. Ut enim ad minima veniam, quis nostrum exercitationem ullam corporis suscipit laboriosam, nisi ut aliquid ex ea commodi consequatur? Quis autem vel eum iure reprehenderit qui in ea voluptate velit esse quam nihil molestiae consequatur, vel illum qui dolorem eum fugiat quo voluptas nulla pariatur?"
1914 translation by H. Rackham
"But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"
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Post Separation Abuse
In many cases of post separation abuse, victims report there had been very few signs, if any, of abusive behaviour and/or coercive control throughout the relationship until the decision was made to separate. This is particularly true when the victim was the one who elected to leave.
Making the decision to separate or divorce is extremely difficult, especially if children are involved, but the emotional and physical consequences of then having to face post separation abuse can be highly traumatic. The abuse is often largely about coercive control, financial abuse, IT abuse and other methods used to assert power over the victim and their family. It is not uncommon for an ex to disregard the children’s needs such as missing important school deadlines, homework or social commitments simply to cause grief and psychological pressure for the other parent.
Often victims report feeling:
- Traumatised to make a decision.
- Mistrusting and insecure of themselves and others around them.
- Questioning their decision and sanity.
- Heartbroken and scared for their children with whom they share with their ex.
- Fearful of how far their former partner will go and their next move.
- Overwhelmed by negativity and unable to see the good in the things.
- Disbelieved by many about the behaviour of the abuser.
- Emotionally and financially confused and depleted.
- Stressed, anxious and often depressed.
When looking at child contact, the safety of the children should always be the primary concern. Keep in mind that when looking at the risk that a perpetrator poses to their victim, past behaviour is the most reliable indicator of future behaviour. When considering the risk of post-separation abuse, particular care should be taken where perpetrators have a history of coercive controlling behaviour.
If you are concerned that you are experiencing post separation abuse, please reach out to one of our professional counsellors or coaches who understand the nature of this abuse and can assist you with strategies to manage dealing with high conflict and/or abusive relationships.
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