In many cases of post separation abuse, victims report there had been very few signs, if any, of abusive behaviour and/or coercive control throughout the relationship until the decision was made to separate. This is particularly true when the victim was the one who elected to leave.

Making the decision to separate or divorce is extremely difficult, especially if children are involved, but the emotional and physical consequences of then having to face post separation abuse can be highly traumatic. The abuse is often largely about coercive control, financial abuse, IT abuse and other methods used to assert power over the victim and their family. It is not uncommon for an ex to disregard the children’s needs such as missing important school deadlines, homework or social commitments simply to cause grief and psychological pressure for the other parent.

Often victims report feeling:

- Traumatised to make a decision.

- Mistrusting and insecure of themselves and others around them.

- Questioning their decision and sanity.

- Heartbroken and scared for their children with whom they share with their ex.

- Fearful of how far their former partner will go and their next move.

- Overwhelmed by negativity and unable to see the good in the things.

- Disbelieved by many about the behaviour of the abuser.

- Emotionally and financially confused and depleted.

- Stressed, anxious and often depressed.

When looking at child contact, the safety of the children should always be the primary concern. Keep in mind that when looking at the risk that a perpetrator poses to their victim, past behaviour is the most reliable indicator of future behaviour. When considering the risk of post-separation abuse, particular care should be taken where perpetrators have a history of coercive controlling behaviour.

If you are concerned that you are experiencing post separation abuse, please reach out to one of our professional counsellors or coaches who understand the nature of this abuse and can assist you with strategies to manage dealing with high conflict and/or abusive relationships.

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