Are you able to Co-Parent effectively?

 Experts suggest that co-parenting is the ideal framework and ultimately in the child’s best interests, but they also recognise that it takes a lot of energy and commitment from both parents to make it work and it may take both parties a while after separation has occurred to emotionally and practically work out how this may be achieved. 

 It requires both parents to work cooperatively together in a consistent way to:

 • provide consistent rules, routines, boundaries and behavioural guidelines in both households

 • commit to talking positively about the other parent in front of the children

• actively encouraging the children’s relationship with the other parent

 • ensuring drop off and pick up arrangements are largely conflict free

 • engage in some form of communication with one another.

Working with a coach or counsellor can often assist to work out strategies to deal with the emotions, triggers, communication requirements and commitment that Co-Parenting will often create.

 When Co-parenting is proving too hard

 When there is a high level of conflict or both parties have very different personalities and parenting styles, it may prove too difficult for the parties to have a sufficiently cooperative relationship to effectively co-parent. Parallel parenting may be the viable option as it allows the parents to disengage emotionally from the other and with less conflict.

 Parallel parenting is where you parent your children side by side and focus on your own individual relationship with the children, adopting your own parenting style independent of the other.  

However, for parallel parenting to be successful, it requires the parents to let go of the parenting style issues they may have with the other parent while the children are in the other parents care and to instead only focus on their own parenting, in their own household (unless it obviously relates to a child’s genuine concern for their health and safety):

 • the differences between the households and how it is run

• their parenting choices

• their lifestyle choices

• their behaviour in general.

We understand that finding the right way to parent with your former partner can be a very trying and can take a period of time to evolve and get right for you all. We can assist you with parenting and communication strategies to make it work in the short and long term.

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